Surprisingly, Kurt, we don't actually know your girlfriend (unless of course she was that cute little red-head in the black mini-skirt, white tube-top, and leopard-print thong that was dancing on the bar at AskTheCollegeGuy.com headquarters last night). And since you've given virtually no details or examples for why you think your girlfriend is a few beers short of a 6-pack, even the all-knowing AskTheCollegeGuy.com writers and editors can't venture a guess. So, in addition to using your vague question to remind all our readers to PROVIDE DETAILS in all future questions, we're going to use your question to vent/hypothesize about why people are so screwed up these days in general - regardless of whether or not this actually applies to your girlfriend.

Imagine that you are a parent and for some reason you come up with this sick, twisted, demented plot to really screw up your kids and make them nuts. How would you go about it? How would you go about raising a kid to increase the likelihood that they grow up to be really screwed up?

Here are a few ways ways that a parent could really screw with a kid's head - if the parent really had evil intentions:

• Force your kids to watch "educational" television shows that feature a big talking-bird and a little mean green grouchy guy who lives in a trash can. Because if that doesn't educate them about the real world, we don't know what will.
  
• Let your kids watch cartoons of little blue people who live in a village of mushroom houses - and then, if little blue people living in mushrooms aren't weird enough, try to convince your kid that the one and only girl who lives in that village isn't a whore. We're not saying Smurfette wasn't hot (actually, we'd smurf the sh*t out of her if given half a chance), but she just wasn't necessarily the poster-child for monogamy.
• Tell your kids that once a year, a big fat guy in a red suit will fly around on magic reindeer and slide down chimneys to bring gifts to all the little children - except, of course, the children of those silly Jews, Muslims, and anybody else who doesn't happen to share your religious beliefs.
• Tell your kids that when they lose a tooth they should put it under their pillow and a magical fairy will come, take the tooth, and give them money in return. Note: We firmly believe that it is this whole "Tooth Fairy" practice that subconsciously increases the likelihood of children growing up to become porn stars or prostitutes. Think about it... by giving a kid money for their teeth, you're basically encouraging them to use their body for money!

Anyway, those are some things that could really f*ck with a kid's sanity during the crucial developmental years of childhood. And people still wonder why there are so many weirdos out there?

-- The College Guy