Great! Another dumbass who believed his parents and teachers when they said there's no such thing as a stupid question. We have received thousands of e-mails over the years that indisputably prove that your parents and teachers were lying to you. Not only are there stupid questions, but there are many stupid people as well.

[Editors' Note: By printing this question and our corresponding (patronizing) response, we in no way mean to imply that everyone at San Jose State University is as clueless as the guy who sent us this question.]

Alright, Mr. Clueless, do you know what a "Keg Party" is? If you answered "a party where beer is served out of a keg," give yourself one (1) point. Do you know what a "Birthday Party" is? If you answered "a party that celebrates someone's birthday," give yourself two (2) points. And if you're actually keeping score, subtract three (3) points and then slap yourself across the face for being such a moron.

Ok, back to the original question about toga parties. Yes, people really do wear togas to a toga party. If they didn't wear togas, do you know what it would be called instead of "a toga party"? That's right, it would just be called "a party." Ever been to one of those? [probably not] Anyway, you don't need to go out and buy anything special for a toga party; if you have a bedsheet, you have a toga. Simply wrap a sheet around your body, over one shoulder or two (depending on how sexy you're feeling), and then fasten it together with safety pins, knots, duct tape, staples, Velcro, 3 packs of recently chewed watermelon flavored bubblegum, or whatever else your creative mind comes up with. [Ok, sorry, we know you're not very smart, so stick with the safety pins.]

One last piece of advice would be to make sure that the party really is a toga party before you show up in your toga. Because you're probably the kind of dumbass who could easily be duped into wearing a toga to a regular, everyday party - and that might just result in embarrassment of "need-to-transfer" proportions!

-- The College Guy

P.S. In regard to your bedsheet selection, history has shown that light colors (white, yellow, pink, etc.) tend to make the best togas. Those Mickey Mouse & Donald Duck sheets that you've had since you were 6? You'll probably want to leave those at home. And if you're sexually active (or a guy whose only release comes in the form of wet dreams), you'll definitely want to examine your toga sheet carefully for potentially humiliating stains.