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"Oh My God! I am peeing my pants this shit is so funny!!!"
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How do you get a lightbulb out of your ass without it breaking?
-- Anal Retentive, SUNY Albany
That depends on how you got the lightbulb in your ass without breaking it. (Oh how proud Thomas Edison would be!)
Anyway, we here at AskTheCollegeGuy.com have only limited experience having anything stuck in or up our ass, with the noted exception of the occasional latex-gloved finger of the AskTheCollegeGuy.com in-house physician, so we can only offer our best guess. As you must be in incredible pain, or at least feeling socially awkward, we will skip the obvious "How many jackasses does it take to screw a light bulb up their ass?" jokes and get straight to the point.
We suggest you make your way down to the school cafeteria on Mexican Fiesta night (a.k.a. road-kill night), and gorge yourself like a man possessed by the taste of possum. When you have finished eating, drink a triple shot of espresso, a six pack of Beast Lite, and top it all off with a bottle of prune juice. Not only is this mixture guaranteed to blow the lid off your ass, dislodging any inappropriately misplaced household items in the process, but it is also likely to cause temporary blindness, the removal of any unwanted ass-hair, and the hallucination that you are the reincarnated soul of Scrooge McDuck. We wish you the best of luck with your 60-watt extraction procedure, and please, once the bulb has been removed, feel free to shove your head back up your ass where it belongs.
-- The College Guy
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