Please be aware that if you are reading this response, you are witnessing history! Throughout our existence, AskTheCollegeGuy.com has NEVER answered a question from a parent. For starters, there aren't too many parents who even read our column in the first place. And any e-mails we do receive from parents are usually written by naive parents who are certain that their son or daughter has never been drunk, would never skip a class, and would never even consider having premarital sex. So these parents end up hating us when we shatter their image of their innocent sons and daughters by explaining what really goes on at college. So anyway, we've never had a question from a parent that was really worth acknowledging.... until now!

Dear Momma D.,
Never fear because AskTheCollegeGuy.com is hear to help. So your homesick daughter is calling you four times a day? In that case, your duty as a caring, loving mother requires you to do one thing and one thing only... you must change your phone number and make it unlisted so that crying little brat can't find you again.

Ok, sorry, we didn't really mean that; it's just hard sometimes to restrain our inner-sarcastic-wiseass from leaping out into an answer.

Anyway, if you don't like that suggestion, we've got plenty more advice and wisdom to share with you. We think that the next best way to address this situation is to heed the wise words of an ancient philosopher who once said:

"You only get one shot,
do not miss your chance to blow,
this opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
You'd better lose yourself in the… moment."

Momma D., you're probably not familiar with the teachings of this particular philosopher, but he was also the all-knowing clairvoyant who proudly proclaimed: "I'm slim shady, yes, I'm the real shady. All you other slim shady's are just imitating."

Anyway, the "one shot" and one "opportunity" that Mr. Shady is referring to in the inspirational passage above is the first few weeks of college. That's right, the first few weeks of college collectively constitute a phenomenon like no other, an opportunity to start fresh and make friends in an environment with hundreds if not thousands of other freshmen who don't know anybody either.

Ok, what follows is AskTheCollegeGuy.com's advice for ALL the homesick students out there. And Momma D., be sure to pass this advice on to your daughter - and make sure she tells all her friends at Rutgers about AskTheCollegeGuy.com. Oh, wait, we forgot she doesn't HAVE any friends there yet. Sorry, we forgot about that part.

1. Get Involved and Stay Busy
There are a ton of campus organizations and clubs on campus. Find some that interest you and go to one of their meetings. You'll not only start meeting people but you'll probably get free food if it's a new members meeting. And if you can't find an organization you like, start your own. We recommend you start an organization called "Fans of AskTheCollegeGuy.com Celebrating the Kings of Mesmerizing Entertainment." And if that's too long a name, you could shorten it to "FACK-ME". Imagine the sense of pride you'll have when somebody asks you what organization you belong to and you respond: "FACK ME!".

2. Leave Your Door Open
Obviously it's not safe or smart to leave your door open when you go to class, but when you're in your room, your door should always be open (except when you're sleeping, getting dressed, or masturbating to internet porn). Leaving your door open gives others on your hall a chance to pop in to say hi and it gives you an opportunity to hear what's going on in the hall (so you can step out of your room and ask to join in when you hear people planning to go to lunch, go to the gym or go toilet papering the Quad).

3. Get Out Of Your Damn Room!
Don't do your homework alone in your room! Sit out in the library or in the common areas of your dorm. There are over hundreds/thousands of other freshmen at your school who are looking to make new friends too, so even if you're a socially-awkward introvert who is freakishly incapable of initiating a conversation with a stranger, someone else is bound to initiate conversation with you.

Special Note to Momma D. who asked the original question: Would you waive a cheeseburger in the face of somebody on a diet? No? Then do NOT go visit your homesick daughter and bring her things from home! She needs to be at school, interacting with all the other freshmen, and she needs to be focused on meeting people and making friends. Remind her that she only gets one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything she ever wanted. Will she capture it? Or let it slip? And when she asks where the hell you got this advice, tell her it was from your good friend Eminem. She'll either cheer up immediately because she'll think she has the coolest mom in the world who's down with Eminem, or she'll cheer up because her problems will seem insignificant in comparison to her mom who is apparently going through a mid-life crisis.

For those of you who like the fact that we were somehow able to use Eminem as the basis for answering a question about homesickness, tune in next week as 50 Cent teaches us how to drink Bacardi like it's our birfday.

-- The College Guy